Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
