i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My vagina is very pro this idea
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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