Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am one with the molecules
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
