I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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