You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
