There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
