accomplished twins. life is a go
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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