there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
