we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.