if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You're like the curious george of whores
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.