On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're so nebulous sometimes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
