so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
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we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration