$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm bleeding and have questions
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
