you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
