Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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