he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
