I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
