I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
