Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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