Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize