So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
