i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
