I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
