Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to be your penis for a week.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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