New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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