Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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