Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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