i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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