i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
