Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.