My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!