you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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