We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason