"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
