I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
