omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
