It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
