Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I stole a fireplace last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
