My hand turned me down
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They have beer where we have blood.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
