We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
