she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
