I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
