watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
