I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had sex on a roof
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
