Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
