why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
