you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize