I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
