I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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