I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
