forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
