I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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