My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
