member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
