Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
