Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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