Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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