can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
