If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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