I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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