I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
