Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
