They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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