you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
