i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
