paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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