The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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