Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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