My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
