ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
