I think I am morally bankrupt
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
