You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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