Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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