I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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