my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize