chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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