i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
